Alin The Petite One

Salam,

This time umi wanna tell about my 6th child, Nurul Fadhlin, born on 8th january 2003 while umi was teaching at SMK Tunku Sofiah, Alor Setar. I conceived again after 5 months miscarriage, an experience that made me quite

guilty, well not fully guilty but the incident left me restless as if i have just killed a person when actually i did not know that i was pregnant at that time. allow me to explain and you guess for yourself whether i was fully responsible or not for this . .....na ...never mind, let it be a history, a sad history only known to a few souls.

Now, the moment of delivery came...at that time, umi felt the minor pain but still went to school but did not do much there.  The uneasy feeling continued so umi called abah to fetch me at noon.  arrived home at waited still until the pain was more regular, at 15 minutes interval, so at 3 pm we went to Jitra Hospital. The doctor said it was still early to  deliver, the dilation was only 2cm. so ummi relaxed and spent the time talking to other patients in the ward. Tok, abah, aruah tok wan, aruah mak lang were there too.  At about 5-6 pm ummi had to lie down, the real pain forced me to stop walking. Adik was there, wiping the sweat, wondering what would happen to ummi. she was 6 at that time, looked so matured .... tok and aruah mak lang massaged me, together with all the doa....at 7pm, ummi asked abah to tell the nurse that the time has come but nobody came to wheel me in...then tok went to inform them again, then only they came and  maghrib azan umi entered the labour room. 

Within minutes alin wanted to make her appearance,  to the shock of the nurse n doctor. My baby's coming, umi called a few times.....this time umi speaking lak.....she came before they were ready n she came intact in her bag ( orang kata  rebus tak hempuk ni) apa maksud dia, cuma orang tua saja yg faham. from my understanding, she is special. Luckilly i was inside the labour room already, if not i would definitely create a scene in the ward...sure aku saman hospital tu for neglect of conduct.

Alin weighed only 2.15kg when delivered which prompted the doctor to accuse ummi of not giving the exact date of last menses which ummi denied repeatedly coz umi still remembered it clearly. maybe Alin was  tiny coz during the last month of pregnancy, umi lost the appetite, just did not want to eat, did not feel like eating. ummi learnt a bad lesson from this, regretting the unintentional neglect  that later resulted in alin being underweight.

Anyway, alin was healthy after 5 days of jaundice treatment, being monitored under the ultraviolet ray days n nites, meaning ummi also had to be in hospital, forgetting all the mengurut stuff so much so that my body ached  like anything. Alin's umbilical cord also detached after 23 days, a record as other siblings only had to wait for about a week.  On  top of that, Alin gave us a scare during the whole confinement until day 40 when ummi was about to start working. what did she do?  nangis  la apa lagi. she would start practising her solid shrieking voice from Maghrib until late midnite......she really tested our patience.  Abah would normally helped lulling her after he finished the tuition outside and let umi rested. however, after confinement she was like an angel.

Alin had mak cik Ton as her sitter until she reached 9 months when mak cik could not take care of her anymore as she had to attend to her sick mom...Allah is the Greatest, i got hold of Kak Su ( my long lost kak angkat) who was willing to take her. from that day, Alin was her charge and she was very lucky as Kak Su whom alin calls Mak is really a superb lady, many times better than ummi....she dotted on Alin. Every time i went to pick her up, Alin would always smelled lovely, her frizzy her nicely combed and tied....Imagine  i did not cut her hair until she turned 3, there was no need to do so because her curly hair was of the same length. Now it was gone.

Alin was the centre of our attention,Eman and Adik who cared for her the most. wait i will show the photo of them later.  When she turned 2, another tiny tot appeared through the window......what window? later i tell ok 

adik the quiet one

Hmm... quite difficult to explain about adik. she is the quiet girl, the one who keeps her thoughts to herself. maybe she is like caught in the middle of a few other siblings. she is alone, does not really belong to the big brothers and sisters and not really fit in with alin and ayish.

Adik was left alone when she was in primary school, always managed herself when she came back from school, had lunch alone, studied alone and waited until evening before we came home. thus, we did not focus much on her, unable to do that because of our limited time. When she did not do well in her UPSR, both of us felt so guilty, realizing that she did not get the attention she really deserved. we hope now she is in secondary school, her interest in her studies improves.

She is now in an evening session so again we rarely have time for her. when she arrives in the evening, it is already nite. umi is busy getting ready to go to tok's house. in the morning umi returns, she is still asleep. umi and abah leave for work. she goes to school by bus.at nite, sometimes, abah gets the chance to check on her homework but it is really, really rare.

Adik's contribution to the family for now is only putting all the folded clothes ( done by akak) inside our closet, being paid rm20 per month. haha cheap but that is for a start. later when the sisters leave the house, she will be incharge of everything so the pay will be increased.....

Adik but not really The Youngest

Eman turned 1 plus and i accidently found out i was going to be blessed with another bundle of joy. At that time i was so frustrated because my application for a transfer to a school in Kubang Pasu was repeatedly denied, always without convincing reasons. so my friends used to tease me: Hmm hang yan kalau tak leh tukar sekolah, beranak aje.... i really could not comprehend the connection but the obvious effect was obviously known among friends.

However, the transfer was finally granted, about 5 months after i delivered Adik. but what i want to highlight here was the moments of Adik's appearance to this wonderful family world. i can still remember the day before 27th March 1998, i had a crave of lai chi kang, served in a beautiful crystal bowl. Upon my request, abah went to pasar malam and bought a plastic of the syrup and poured it into a mug.....hahhhhhhh... i did not want, i wanted the one filled the cystal bowl....abah just shaked his head...mana nak cari mangkuk cantik tu yan oi.  Grumbling yet i managed to finish off the whole mug.

Early morning, after subuh, i started feeling the very mild uneasiness , so i lied on bed waiting for the more painful cramps and contractions...well by then i was already very experienced in differentiating the false alarm and the real pain.  It was until maghrib and that time i was already in Jitra. the visit to the loo was more frequent, the back pain dominated the whole body so abah took me to Jitra Hospital.

Labour did not take that long. after the water bag was broken by the doctor, i was placed in a quiet corner of the room. i was totally left alone so my prayers were done with the baby. the pain...jgn cakap le...imagine sweating in an air-cond room. The doctor came again and checked .He...adui this time an Indian man doctor. what to do...he said still early but the moment he left, i called out loud, informing him about the condition. luckily, this time the midwife came and helped me go through the process. syukur......

Taking care was very easy...the easiest in fact. i always called her Pak Mulan, as that time Mulan( the animated series of a chinese lady warrior) was very popular. Adik was so fair that we could see the clear red vein on her face. 

I still remember one time during confinement, i ate a currypuff, a filling of a sweet potato which was quite bitter and by asar, adik started crying non stop until isya'. we bundled her up and took her to kampung padang. tok asked tok wan to find a few betel leaves which they placed by the fire ( pelita ) and pressed gently on Adik's stomach..after a few trials, adik cooed and fell asleep. adui. then we also collapsed.

the next morning we went to a clinic coz abah had to take a MC... dah kena berleter dgn doctor who said amboi anak ramai pun tak reti jaga lagi..ish bisanya....i hope now that doctor has a child on her own and she learns that every child is different. so no matter how experience you are, you can never guess how your child would be.

Pity Eman

Well, come to think of all my children, Eman is the quietest one. we somehow terforgot he is around..because most of the time, he minds his own business. Dangerous ni. one time, which i cannot remember the year, abah, along, bob and eman played badminton. abah was fasting so i advised him not to play in the sun..however,maybe he felt he was strong so they played. suddenly eman did something that irritated abah so much that he started beating eman....with a hanger....berbelat-belat ....Ya Allah i was so angry to abah and pity eman. i cried too looking at the reddish scar on his back. 

When eman was sleeping, i saw abah quietly and slowly applied gamat ointment to his back. i understood that he felt the quilt, the never-think attitude that he showed to the children.  I did not know whether eman still remembers this or not, but the incident was really unexpected.

When he was in primary school, he really dotted on adik, played with her and teased her alot. somehow, suddenly, he started neglecting her for about 3 years. nothing we did make him change but lately he has mellowed down a bit and does talk to adik. i pray that their bond will last forever.

Eman My Dear

Atih turned 1 plus and i was dizzy again...hah? again...so what to do? what else to do? that time my hubby and i were at SMK dato' Syed Ahmad....the 9 month-stint was very smooth even though we were not that contented with the place (Taman Bersatu, Kuala Nerang).Every weekend, we would rush back either to Jitra or Sg. Yan. 

 One nite at Kampung Padang, Jitra. i had sambal udang for dinner. At about 11pm, we were still watching TV and there was this advertisement of Rootbeer, uish...it looked so yummy and my crave for that softdrink was very tempting...yet where to find at that hour..and what more there was no Rootbeer outlet in Jitra, not even one in Alor Star.  i was so down but what to do. in despair, i went to bed.

9th December 1993, at 3 am, i woke up, had a stomachache but this time it was different..it did not stop. Obviously, the time to deliver had come..so i packed up, accompanied by abah, tok and mak lang. before subuh i was already at Jitra Hospital. waited in the LR and after subuh, eman was delivered, 3.5km.hmm selambak. i still remember that time the was this SEA Games in Chiang Mai....

Eman had Tok Jat as the babysitter who came to my house.That time, we already moved to our own house at Taman siswa 2. Syukur.He was quite a bundle..chubby and the hair is styled ala Abu bakar Elah...i practiced my snipping style on him and the result was not that good.....sorry eh Eman.Another sorry...i do not have that many photos of him as at that time the  camera was lost ...so more of present photos compared to the old ones.

Middle Child Syndrome?

What to say! Atih's growing up moments were very dramatic. from the days she was a toddler, the crying that she perfected so well, the kicking bouts that she practised on us, the tantrums that she displayed in many difficult mornings before going to school: all turned her into a handful charge for us.

Her nagging for attention made us spent the nights massaging her legs( she complained very often)  but she looked ok during the day...the doctor said maybe she was asking for attention...understood as she is the middle child, sardined between 3 elder siblings and 4 younger ones

The troubled challenging time was quite obvious so much so that i decided to continue my studies (masters) just to focus on Middle Child Syndrome ( Birth Order) hoping to grab a clearer picture of what was bothering her so much that made her like that.

Day by day, somehow, she started to change when she turned 16, quite late but still a welcome one.  She became more responsible, reliable and understanding. was it because she knew i was studying her behaviour, or she just grew up and out of her rebellious years.  Haha, then i stopped studying coz she was not a suitable subject anymore...her change of attitude just did not help me in my observation. 

Looking at her now makes me smile and shake my head as the trials of bringing her up is really a good lesson for us. She makes our life livelier, more colourful and different.

Atih and Highland Towers

20th Dec 1993, 22 days after the Highland Towers collapsed, i gave birth to atih, through forced delivery..the most painful of all. Imagine she was 12 days overdue and i did not show any signs of delivering. the Pengkalan Chepa Clinic doctor referred me to Kota Bharu Hospital.

The night of the set date, i could not sleep...tried to imagine what would happened the next day. suddenly the nurse asked me to enter labour room at 3am....biar betui...so i went and waited and waited...nothing done...finally the doctor said...never mind, we do it tomorrow....amboi senang hati depa buat camtu.

At 9 in the morning, the doctor induced me ( no drip but pills) and after one hour, the pain started and persisted until 4 pm. i was all alone and God knows how i suffered ...this kind of pain was very different, the interval was very short..but the nurse said still ok....hang bukan rasa misi oi....

Finally, at about 4, one nurse came and checked and was so surprised to see that the dilation was about 8cm....she rushed me into the LR and finally at 4.45pm, atih made her appearance....this was the most challenging.luckilly the nurse on duty was very kind. young but skillful. she offered me milo immediately after that, knowing well that i was very thirsty....at the same time, i heard the doctors and nurses talking about makan bubur kacang and whatnot....for them delivering is just a business..very relaxed and selamber aje.

That nite, tok accompanied me as i was in Ward 1...the next morning discharged, only one day before the hospital was flooded....mujur i dan balik.....tu la kisah atih.....

Bob Bosnia

I forgot to mention that when Bob was born, at that year, Bosnian War was the talk of the world. So happened he was so fair that the neighbours ( Linda Restaurant) the whole family in fact dotted on him and called him Bob. every time i wanted to go shopping, i would leave Bob with them ( mama, baba, cik ngah, linda, aisyah, lini, man, syam) and they would put him on the table and entertained him with lots and lots of sweet. he was the centre of attention.

Aruah tok wan was actually the first to call him Borhan and the shortened version of Bob later took effect. every time Bob had a fever, we were so worried as his chest would move up and down, as if he was having an asthma. sometimes, i rushed him to clinic at nite and taking care of him was very difficult.

When Atih was born and i was in confinement, Along, Akak and Bob were down with chicken pox ( measles). the other two were ok but Bob had a slight problem. he just could not stand and we found it strange considering along and akak were ok. it seemed that the effect of chicken pox was very serious; it affected the knee. syukur mama took bob back to pasir mas and gave him a traditional treatment.

Tending to Bob made me forget about myself and suddenly.. i was pregnant again....again....i was down but the moment UPT came out positive, i was very positive and was ready to accept another gift from God. What happened during Atih's delivery?....so tragic...wait eh.

Welcome Bob

Well.now i continue the story. I was admitted even though the pain was ver mild.adui awat bob ni slow to appear.in labour from noon until maghrib. I was the bahan uji for the trainee.all kind ofadvice given by nurses yet the contraction was very very very mild.tired of waiting n no food allowed so i was weak.ecg done yet the opening was at a snail pace.finally about 9pm i delivered bob.
Funny the nurse still recognized me n ask whether i delivered a baby there the year before.of course la kak oi. Bumi kelantan ni subur i said.ha salahkan kelantan pulak she said.i had to wait in ward3 for a long time before abah could enter n azankan Bob.the nite spent there was really a tiring one coz i could not get enough sleep.the orchestrated sound of crying babies made sleeping impossible. Yet i was very thankful for the smooth delivery.

After a few week.i returned to spend confinement at toks but again it was x a peaceful one coz at the same time mak lang suffered from unknown illness.she was in hospital so tok had to look after us both.pity tok n wan.mak lang suffered for about 15 years that took her spirit and mental ability.

Nevertheless.Bob grows up well even though he had a few bouts of sickness when he was a toddler.what happened to him?wait till i post the next entry k.

Akak and Uting

Akak showed her trait of being independent and she took her first small steps when she was 9 months..the fastest of all. She had a series of scabies for about 3 months which was also suffered by the whole family. so  many types of medication tried and taken but to no avail. pity her...the whole body and head were scattered with the itchiness of the skin disease.

Akak relied mostly on her pacifier when she needed attention coz when she turned 3 months...aduhai i started to get pregnant again. did not know how, did not realize when.....suddenly it was time again.  not realizing that i was carrying, i went to see the doctor and she gave me a shot to cure scabies. if i knew, i would not take that. i guess it was one of the reasons why Bob has a very sensitive skin ( and sensitive feeling too)

Imagine carrying the 3rd child and at the same time searching for the cure of this irritating scabies. somehow, after numerous trials, the disease just disappeared but not before leaving ugly scars to us. it was really a bad experience. 

Akak still hang on to her pacifier every time she cried, she would search high and low for her safety security of pacifier until one day, abah could not take it any longer coz she just put it into her mouth  even though it was found on the floor. so to solve that problem, abah acted quite cruel by cutting the pac into two, right in front of her...she must be so scared that from that day onward, she never mentioned the pac anymore....if only she could think that we could always get her a new one.......akak...akak....

Along and akak were inseparable and the mischievous two sometimes ended up  in the toilet for being so naughty....funny though, they would be very quiet when left in the toilet and once released, the chaos continued.....abah and umi had a challenging time looking after the two but at least along had someone he could bully, even though akak was never an easy victim.

the day akak turned one, on 24th feb 1992, umi threw a small party for her and the guests were mostly neighbours' children. that day i felt quite restless already, thinking that i would deliver anytime. true enough, the next morning, at about 10am, the feeling was assured when i saw some signs of delivery...ayooo...abah rushed me to Kota bharu Hospital, aruah tok besah and mak ngah tagging along. By 2pm i was admitted to the ward......what happened there?  Till then.....ta ta..... 

I am ready

Now i want to share the story about my second baby, Nor Fadhilah a.k.a Akak... When Along was 11 months old, i silently admitted that i was ready for another baby..coz i could see that along was lonely..no friends to play with...God is Great...that month i conceived again.

This time, i had a fluctuating mixed of emotion...one day ok , another day ko.  Abah was somehow quite  different. his interest in sports ( watching TV only) made him unaware of my crave for attention mood.  I had bouts of headache very often, leading me to feel so uncomfortable. only those who are pregnant will understand this. this is not main main...along was getting very active and my free time was very limited.

Unable to make abah understand, i resorted to writing letters..many pages of papers used and to add the special effect, more dried tears dotted the paper.....abah was so scared every time he got the letter coz i really poured out my feeling...i dont care......well after that abah was ok, helpful and more attentive.


One day, SM Kota Bharu had a cross country day. One student went berserk, running here and there hysterically and suddenly she entered the staffroom, the place where i was relaxing. I was so scared looking at her.  In tears, i was sent home by Mdm Ruhana ( where are you now?). if i am not mistaken, it was Thursday. 2 days after that, akak was delivered at Kota Bharu Hospital.

Tok was there to help..she was so surprised to see akak .....hmmmm....akak was a bit ....you know...not that fair compared to along....depa tukar anak hang kot......ish mak ni.....even mak jah the babysitter was also confused.....hey...hello....this is my daughter...whatever the skin colour is, she came from my womb......

This continued over and over. when we went home during school holidays, people kept asking why she was ...different....i dont understand why some people can be so blunt, so heartless....they always see the appearance....this was really haunting akak until one day she said to her younger siblings......dont take too much kicap( soya sauce) nanti gelap macam akak.......................i was really upset with this coz to me and abah...she is ours regardless the skin, regardless the appearance.....

Wait till you see her now......ha bergaya sakan.  ok to be continued. see..not much of a different right?

Panicked, Frightening and Rewarding Experience

10th Ramadhan 1410 ( 1989), early Tuesday morning, i had a very painful tummy cramps, irregular yet persistent that left me sweating.  wee hour in the morning, tok wan went to invite the midwife( aruah lang Mai) a very nice, gentle yet experience old lady to come and checked my condition.  Patiently we waited for me, she even slept at  my house. Morning came but i was getting nowhere. the excruciating pain was unbearable so the clinic nurse ( SN Tijah) ayooyoo she was very sharp, i mean her voice.......her words...
She kept on advising ( insisting to be  more precise) that i went to AS Hospital. I had no choice. Packed my bag  and got into the waiting ambulance. first time weh......

Checking time again, the dilation was only 2 cm...the pain.....just indescribable. I was admitted and joined all the expecting moms in ward 2.....the experience was very daunting. the moaning, the grumbling, the march passing.... i was on bed, crying alone, praying the pain would be over but alas........Wednesday morning, the doctor, in his round, asked me whether i could go home as my due date was in 2 weeks time....i was taken by surprise.: impossible as i was in pain. then i understood that i had to leave coz the ward was full..some even had to sleep on the made shift bed( ala askar gitu).

Tok wan took us home in a taxi. upon reaching the house, i had another shocking moment....the waterbag broke......i was taken upstairs and again Tijah was called. From that moment, i was not myself anymore...imagine from 2pm to 6.45 i was tossing and turning, drinking whatever tok gave( which was actually not good as it was not advisable)....they gave me watermellon, coconut oil, the minyak selusuh...all taken without feeling. Tijah, again forced me to go to Hospital, but i refused...i could not move anymore.

Alhamdulillah, a few minutes before Maghrib, Along made his appearance to this world.....he was so cute, weighed 3.12 kg, he was welcomed by tok wan, tok and (aruah) tok ( abah's mom), mak lang.....Everyone was relieved and had a good laugh when i blurted :  kalau camni, 5 lagi pun takpa)....WHAT? after a long painful tormenting experience, i still wanted many children. Well....love at the first sight....the innocent looking boy triggered that idea, i guess.( at the same time, abah called from Kelantan, saying that he had a dream...wah senang banyak...kita dok sakit, dia cuma mimpi).....the next day abah returned to meet his first brood.....syukur alhamdulillah.

Expecting Along

Haha  i could take days telling a story about how we spent heartbreaking  years (4 years to be exact) planning to get one baby. we just could not take any cynical comments anymore and to a certain extend we never watched any drama that have stories about childless couple. what more with perli perli words from the villagers, we were so frustrated.
In 1988, my mom and dad went to Mekah and they prayed for our success and through enough ( subhanallah) the month they came back, i started having  morning sickness. hehe i wanna laugh thinking how weak i was; i felt like sleeping all the time. almost 2 months pregnant yet i did not know. well i never had the experience so finally we went to Soma Clinic in Jitra and the test (EPT)was positive. we smiled all the way home.....imagine we rode a bicycle to town.....and came back smiling from ear to ear....the next day we went back to Yan  and broke the good so much waited news to Tok Besah ( aruah)..she was elated.

The good news was shared by friends at SMK Tok Jalai.....Mr Zulkifli ( TQVM) knowing that abah was in Kelantan, took the trouble to find one kelapa gading ( yellow one) because i had a crave on that nut. He brought it to school and the ever  kind ERT teacher, Kak Habsah helped to crack open the coconut and made a special cooling juice for me. I was in cloud nine....even the jambu air nearby the school canteen was picked especially for me.

being far from abah was quite a sad experience coz i had to buy whatever i wanted by myself. The oranges, raisin, soya and all the good nutricious food suitable for expecting mom were my favourite. Tok and wan also gave me whatever i wanted...Finally in March 1989 i got a transfer to Kelantan, just month away from delivery. Then  about 2 weeks before giving birth i took a risky flight home coz i wanted to deliver Along in Kedah.....close to home.....however the process was not an easy one.....wait i tell you later......

25 Jan 1985

This was a very emotional yet auspicious day, the day i registered my marriage, promised to be together through thick or thin with my life partner, Mr Shamsuri, a fine young man ( now old la). Situated in a penthouse of De maisonnevue Apartment, our marriage was solemnized by an Iraqian ( or Iranian) imam, witnessed by our friends whose help and support made our arrangement and planning successful.
Our parents gave their consent ( had to) since we were far away from Malaysia so this marriage would be something that could not be postponed and we convinced them that we were doing the right thing, to avoid any sin or misdoing. As Muslims, we believe that it was better if we continued up our relationship by tying the knot, as it would make our life more peaceful and meaningful.
I never regret this even though we did not get the chance to go through elaborate wedding receptions like others in Malaysia. Our friends did prepare a small private dinner and it was very much appreciated.  I still remember how much effort taken by Zainuddin, Allahyarham Hazani, Mummy Liza, Shimah, Fazie, Siti, Aa, and sisters to ensure our wedding done successfully.
Alhamdulillah, we have been married for almost 27 years and the love and commitment still become our priority and sincerely and deeply cherished. I  pray that we will forever blessed until the end of our life.

HOW EVERYTHING HAPPENED

This blog is specially designed with one and only one intention that is to share the special moments that  i have been through from the time i tied a knot with my beloved hubby, followed by the most blessed bundle of joy of having 8 dotted children.

I believe my sincere notes of mixed emotions would reach my children in a very special way, as i realize they would never know the truth, the tested moments, the tears, the deep feeling that my hubby and i share for the last 27 years.

Revealing these would hopefully put all of us together, changing our differences into trusted understanding, leading our life into a worthwhile one, before we leave this world and meet again in the Hereafter.

New Beginning